i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Im just a social blackout drinker.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
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