I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
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then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
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I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
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