So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
