worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
