i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
