why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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