sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
