yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
