I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
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