Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Randomize
