I can't breathe out the right side of my face
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
