My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
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