you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
