Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Randomize
