dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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