Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
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