dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
we're chasing vodka with high fives
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
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My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
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How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
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