it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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