I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
