i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
