Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
Four minutes until I can fart!
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
