if you force a hooker to have sex with you and dont pay her would it be rape or theft? something to ponder
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Randomize
