is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
