Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
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