I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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