dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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