I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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