All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
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