The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
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