what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Randomize
