Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
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One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
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I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
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