Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
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