i don't plan on having that self control this summer
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
we're making bets on your personal life
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
I had to cum in my sink.
Randomize
