Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
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