Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
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You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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