I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
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