She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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