Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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