He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
