sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
be right there i have to get my cape
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
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