every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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