I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
No I am not eating basil off your cock
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
