I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
drinking out of a sandbucket again
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
