There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
