you guys were way drunker than both of me
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
