I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
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