We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
