everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
