Grow some girl-balls and come out already
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
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