By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
What did we do last night that was yellow?
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Randomize
