What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
I pour the whiskey from now on
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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