I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
he told me I talked like a deaf person
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
