no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Randomize
