Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
