I feel like I'm in dance class right now
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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