can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
I would fuck him just for his dog
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
