Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Randomize
