In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Randomize
