We won't sleep together?
Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
