I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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